i have about a year of nursing school left if i pass all my classes. this quarter has been one roller coaster ride! i just pray that i pass critical care and psych. omg. i don't know what i'd do if i don't.

today's ash wednesday. i'll be giving up meat for lent. ohhh. my! hopefully i lose weight by doing this. LOL. i need to start running again as well..

thought i'd update LJ before i go to sleep. i don't have a fb for 2 weeks til after finals..

ohhh life.. i'm doing okay i guess. my heart almost practically healed from bryan. finally. its about time it's healed. there are days when i still miss all the good times i had but then again i try to outweigh them with the bad times. SO MUCH SHIT i put up with. it is true that loves does make someone blind. Love makes people go gaga. ehhh. i get all lonely being alone most of the time. i wish that i had someone right now to just support me through school and life in general. a person to be there to listen to my vents, a person to say "i love you" a person who would motivate me to do my best! who's there to just sit next to and hug. a person to cuddle with when i'm frustrated. a person who'll be by my side through my days when i'm pmsing. LOL. a person who'd make me smile with funny jokes. a person who i can just just be there to run to. i person to lift me up. =)

why do i fall for guys that don't give a shit about me. haha. joan once told me. "the first mistake is girls blaming themselves." maybe it isn't me that has a problem, its the guys. i can give my all, and just taken get taken for granted or advantage of. karma i guess. i just want to make people happy and if i'm not doing that then whateves. most of the time i don't ask for anything in return. i just do things to just make things easier. but then again, sometimes i wonder when it'll be my turn to just have someone amazing do things for me without asking? ohh well. in time. i'll be happy with the person that loves me for who i am and wouldn't mess with me and take me to his advantage because i'm nice.

there are times that i'd be easier to just be a bitch and careless for people. but idk, its just not me. i get told that i try to put other's happiness over mine, why? idk. i may be self-fish at times, but don't i need to be once in a while? anyways. still staying optimistic that in time i'll be happy! =) i just have to keep my head up. smile along the way....maybe someone can fall in love with it. corny! hahaha. huh.

mmmk. i shouldn't worry too much about having someone. i should focus on me being happy and getting through each day =) live. love. laugh...learn from mistakes, get hurt and just live.

Sermon from Kapatid: Erika.

"No remember, "guys just absolutely love to fall for _____es that leave em." There's even a book about it..its not about being complicated. Its merely about maturity, & the lack thereof, why they further seem to complicate something simple ...as not realizing how good they have it. Or how good they can have it with someone they've been searching for this whole time, who's been right in front of them the entire time. But remember society perpetuates that a dream girl has to be externally appealing to even be considered a possibility to being a good catch. Even if she's just 'ok looking' & everything that he dreams her to be, he'll never realize it until its brought to his attention, or until she's no longer there. Let's just say your one of the apples on top of the tree that guys are too scared to work for, so they go easy rotten ones on the floor, bc it's 'easier' that way." =)

Bahala na si Lord.

I was stupid to think someone can just love me for me without having to change. That it was more than just being friendly. But it's probably still too soon, my heart just fell for someone even if they don't feel the same way but it made me stronger as a person to leave the past behind me & motivate me for the future. No regrets.

i'm such a hopeless romantic.

My life now seems like i'm going back to the past. But i know i can say it's better this time around. I know what my limits are and that i just can't let my feelings control me. Bryan & I aren't together again. We've broken up twice already, by now, you'd think he'd be out of my life already. Or something like that. But we still remain to be friends.

I'm learning to live on my own again. Being independent. just enjoying everything that i have. Everything that comes my way I should learn to just deal with in the best way possible. I can't complain about every little thing that i don't like in my life. There's too many to list. but then I have to accept that things just happen. One day, it'll all be okay. I'll be happy! :)

The fact that I still wonder sometimes who i'll end up with. Who will i marry? When will i get married? have children? maybe i should focus on school. but then those questions still come up once in a while. Prolly in 2 years when I'm done with Nursing...then i should think about those questions more. I'm turning 24 this October! yikes! I feel old, yet young at the same time.

Where's my prince? Who is he? hahaha. Is there someone out there that will love me for who i am?

anyways. enough for now. :)

love. peace. happiness.

life has been great the past few months! great year! and everything around me has been awesome. but just as everything is smooth...there's always something that happens to take it away. =( ...i really don't know how to deal with it. Different emotions....I'm still trying to figure away on how to go about. maybe it's nothing and it'll just past...just a bump on the road...ya know. but it's been bugging me! ugh....

"can't eat. can't sleep. reach for the stars over the fence. kinda love." mary-kate and ashley movie that i used have on re-play. It takes two.

hopefully. everything will be okay. and life will continue down the smooth path for me! aye... i just wanted to let things out. I haven't really updated in forever. haha. i'm turning 23 next month! whoa! i'm starting nursing school in 18 days! no more summer for me!

welll...g2g...til next time.

i'm at my internship right now...and i've got nothing to do....i'm an intern at the Dept of Health and Human Services for the City of Long Beach! it's a government internship! =)...What i wanted...but i don't think i'll get hired here after i graduate...so that's no good....anyways...life is alright...things can be better...but i'm HAPPY! i'm super excited for Spring Break! London and Paris here i come!! lol....i've always wanted to go to Europe and now i'm going for 10 days with Lynette! just us two! crazy huh! we just planned it like 3 months ago! i'm super broke right now though! every paycheck goes to something for the trip! We've booked the flight, and hotels for both london and paris! What's left: train ticket from london to paris and the tube pass for both cities...ahhhh.....i'm leaving in 23 days! we leave March 26 come back April 6! whohooooooooo!!! At least my mom is proud of me...and surprised that i've saved up money for a trip like this! Last year was the cruise to Mexico...and now it's EUROPE! omy! next year i'm shooting for JAPAN! i really wanna go, after watching these animes..or disneyworld! or NYC! i need to save up money again...i want so many things...i've made a long list.
WISH LIST!!!
$49.95 puma grip handle plaid bag! black/limestone gray
$69.95 Puma 'Ginza' Sneaker --Charcoal Grey Thrift
$39.95 Skullcandy "Lowrider" Pink!
$99.90 True Religion Jeans! @ nordstrom rack
$480 2009 Mercier Kilo TT PRO Champagne
$60 Padded bike shorts
$90 Wool Jersey
$40 Iron Man Pink cycling gloves
$30 bright LED front light
$500 Dell desktop computer PC!
$500 32" Samsung Flat screen
$40 H&M Sqin jeans
$40 jacket--sweater
$70 Fizik bike saddle
$750 Canon SLR camera
$200 Blackberry Pearl
$700 Female Welsh Corgi! =)
$30 Base layer for biking
$50 Crepe Maker
$2500 trip to Japan or Disney World
$1500 trip to NYC to watch Little Mermaid
$42 American Apparel Zip Hoodie (Purple)
$45 Victoria Secret Push Up Bra
$30 Pedicure
$42 TOMS shoes

those are a few things that i'm trying to save up for....bah...i FAIL at saving money! i always have something in mind to buy! ehhh....i'm sooooooooooo HUNGRY right now!

k....well....anywho...that's it for now...

someone stole my iPhone last night! and i'm sad, depressed. lost!

okay! i'm OA...but still...i lost it...and it's forever gone! i don't think i'll be able to get another one...because there's no insurance for iPhone's which is super lame! it's just gone forever! it was nice to have it for a few months...and i guess it was never meant to be for me! i think it's the first time i've lost something so expensive...i think...i actually loved that phone! foreals. i know i shouldn't be all dependent on it. but omgsh! it was the best phone ever!

it's funny how i'm writing a whole blog about how i'm sad that i lost my phone. how my phone was stolen. i can't do anything about it. it's GONE! that's all i can say! it's gone! and whoever has it! OMGSH! karma! i know it's probably karma for myself. i've "carpe diem" a few times in high school...and recently at work...so my punishment is probably my iphone being stolen! it's a cycle...like...if you do it to someone, it'll come back at you one day! karma! there's good and bad....

i just had a really bad one! and now i'm sad! i'm now sorry for what i've done...just cause it's happened to me! i need to realize what i'm doing to others...so it doesn't back-fire at me!

it's just meant to be. i've learned my lesson! and all i can do is change my attitude towards things. so yeah...but i'm sad that i only had the phone since november. and now it's GONE! GOODBYE! bah humbag....i cried last night....just cauz i really really really wanted an iphone and now i don't have it anymore...it was something i LOVED! an object! it's sorta like a XbOx for guys...ugh..

i just needed to vent out!! it was my fault...it's my responsibility! i need to grow up! it's just a phone.

ok. done. bye. toodles.

i'm TABS! it's depressing....i need to go back to the gym =(

I can't get into a Master's Program....my grades are WACK!

ugh....MAN!


i've failed.


& i'm super BROKE...no $$ =/

no black friday for me.

i wonder......

what am i doing?

ahhhh....i'm going bonkers! i'm soooo bored! hahaha...maybe it's because i've been stuck at home more than i want to be the past week or so....well...i don't have summer school this summer, maybe that was a bad idea...i quit my other job...i don't know if that was a good or bad thing right now...and my job at los al has been cutting my hours because business has been so slow and i'm only a part-time! and today!! my boss told me that i'm not working the 2 weeks she'll be on vacation because she doesn't need 3 people when she's gone!! omy!! what am i to do...haha...well, it's not that big of a problem.

this is why i usually go to the philippines during the summer's i don't have school or a job, because i hate this feeling of being so bored and useless..

i mean, i have a new hobby kinda...if it's considered a hobby...biking! i go to the gym...i'm learning new songs on the piano everyday....i go out with chubbs....there's still a lot for me to do...i guess it's the whole being independent everyday...everyone has their things to do during the summer...either school or work, family vacations...stuff...

i totally wish that i had relatives closer to me. i have none. haha...well i do have kristin, that's it. i'm debating if i wanna go to frisco tomorrow or the day after til the 14th...til i go back to work...just so i'm somewhere else..other than home.

hrmmm...what else? maybe i should try finding a new job...something different...i think i need change?? whateves...i dont' know what i need right now? new hobby? just something...something to keep me occupied.

well...i really want to lose weight!! that's a goal that i'm trying to achieve...haha...i should just focus on that this summer, i guess.....bah humbag.---so freakin hard.

lalala....ummmm.....i should save $$..every time i'm bored, i tend to spend $$$$$....tsk tsk.

anywho....i'll figure something out. =) BE HAPPY!!